Where you been?
When I reflect on it, I probably didn't choose the best time in the world to start a (insert name other than blog here). I started this thing on what? Monday? and on Tuesday, Girlygirl (the wife, natch) went in for spinal surgery*. This has not exactly left me a lot of free time for writing. Luckily, I can do a little here and there during the workday.
*This wasn't like emergency surgery or anything, so it wasn't totally traumatic, and the doctor's pretty chuffed about the results, so it's all good.
So surgery. It's pretty heavy stuff. I'm still amazed at how wiped out Girlygirl is, even after a couple of days. Plainly anaesthesia is hard on you, pain is hard on you and recovering from this intentionally inflicted "injury" itself is hard on you. She's been tough about it, but it's obvious it's a lot of work just getting through the day.
On top of that, I have a new respect for the damaging effects of stress--since I started working at my current job (been here six years), I've almost forgotten what stress is like. In my previous job, stress was standard equipment--work 55-60 hours a week, always on deadlines, usually under the requirement to do something on the order of making it both cold and hot, outdoors, at the same time. Luckily, the compensation and recognition made it all worthwhile. OK--I made that last bit up. I was so woefully underpaid that when I changed jobs I received a 40% pay increase, all while my new employer felt he was getting a good deal. And I (and my coworkers in the art/design department) were totally appreciated only if appreciation can take the form of complaints about the generally low quality of miracles we performed, or of marking up a finished, printed (usually already mailed or distributed) piece and bringing it to us for correction (after this person had blithely not
raised a fucking finger to look it over before
Umm, where was I? Oh yeah, stress. Back in the bad old days, stress was pretty much the theme of the day, every day. My digestion was a mess, I was tired all the time, and couldn't sleep well. With the change in jobs came a change in pretty much every other aspect of my working life, all for the better, and the stress went away.
With the Girly in surgery and in the hospital and generally needing looking after once she got home, I've had a crash course in stress. It's nothing to me to look after her as much as she wants/needs--I'm happy to do it to make her more comfortable (I don't imagine for a second that my issues are even close to her suffering). I just notice that the little signals of stress are reappearing around the edges, even as I've been mostly unaware of it on a conscious level. I reckon as long as the stress doesn't take over my GI tract like in the past, I'll be OK.
I think this weekend will be a real turning point for her in terms of self-sufficiency, and I think the stress will go away with it.
Damn, am I a fucking whiner or what? I think I'm probably going to be a lot more entertaining when I'm less sleepy. The caffeine does a lot for me, especially since I avoid the stuff most of the time (the better to abuse it when necessary), but it doesn't make my eyes see any better--just props them open wider.