Rushing the Miracle Man*
The workload around here has gotten crazy. I'm still trying to sort through the pile of applications for the assistant position here**, just finished two massive documents, and am working on a third, which will be the King James Bible or OED of Website Redesign Documents. If there can be such a thing.
I'm a little worried about it--it's supposed to lay out to the rest of the division staff what the website does currently and what I think should be changed or added to it. That's fine, but my new boss says it should also be complete enough, like with screen captures and everything, that someone who's not familiar with the site at all (and apparently doesn't have a web connection) can keep track of what's going on, and make further suggestions.
I probably don't have to tell you how fun it's going to be to take suggestions for website improvement from a bunch of folks who need me to write Your Own Goddamn Website, For Retards Who Can't Work a Browser
so they can track what I'm on about.
I think I'll have reader fatigue*** on my side though--I've not yet known the rest of my co-workers to read more than a paragraph of anything, let alone the War and Peace
of statements of work. They'll look at the screenshots, skim, and say they can't think of anything to add. You wouldn't think that would bother me, seeing as how it frees me to move forward with a minimum of interference and asinine suggestions, except that they're sure to come back after the work is done and suggest things that are impossible or impractical, all of which they'd have known if they'd bothered to read the document.
They can go fuck themselves if they're going to do that, for all I care--they're not getting it, whatever it is--but it's tiresome to have to constantly stifle the urge to tell them so in such a direct way. Even when I tell them politely and in very small words that the document explains it all, they'll just say they didn't read it in the first fucking place because it was too long. Where is it written that it's OK to lie about having read it, and if not reading it comes back to bite you in the ass, you can just say you didn't actually read it, because it was too much work? I bet it sounds like this has happened before. And you'd be right to think that. I mean, what is this? The Bush Administration? Can you tell I spend an overlarge amount of time in phone conferences silently mouthing, "where the hell were you when I was asking for this input, you asshole?"
Of course, I never wanted to write the Illustrated Great American Novel
anyway--I wanted a bulleted list of about two pages. They wouldn't read that either, but it wouldn't take so goddamn long to put together.
*Milestone! Digression from the headline! Ala Miracle Max, I was rushed to get this together, so you get a lousy miracle.
**Just today, I got the ne plus ultra of geek resumes. The cover letter is essentially unreadable unless you're a programmer--it's all code, showing a sort of decision tree/loop for hiring this candidate. Cute, in a flirting robot sort of way, but hardly what I need.
***Of course I never worry about reader fatigue here. You'll get the words I deem necessary, for the next...however long I fucking feel like it.****
****I've been recently called a wordsmith. Do I have to give back the award because of all the cursing? Doesn't it show me up to be a person of limited ideas and vocabulary? Fuck? Doody?